Aah French Polynesia! My new favourite tropical destination in the world, usurper of Hawaii which has now been downgraded to number 2. Other than the cost of going there, everything is perfect about the place. Although I didn't even think it possible, the scenery is even more staggeringly beautiful than the aforementioned North Pacific island cluster of Hawaii. For the last four days (Oct. 31st to Nov. 3rd) we've been cruising around these idyllic islands gawping at the sublime landscape, the incredible beaches, the perfectly formed lagoons. Of course I'd been there a few months prior to now on the same ship but I could never get tired of the place.
But before I get to that, some of you may be wondering why the phrase "cross dressing" was included in the chapter title. Or perhaps you have already spotted the utterly absurd looking photograph of the band dressed in a slightly ...unorthodox, to say the least, manner!Yes, I don't know how in the bloody hell I got talked into it but Johnny the bandmaster suggested that we would all dress up in drag for Halloween! Most of us agreed and we were able to borrow some hilarious wigs and bright flowery sarongs to assist us in making complete and total arseholes of ourselves. 4 out of 7 of us turned up to the gig as we were in the photograph. It turned out that Johnny chickened out at the last second (COWARD!) and seemed content to simply be dressed as a cowboy for the remainder of the evening instead of a transvestite! The remaining 2 band members apparently didn't get the memo and were in their normal all black outfits! So we performed dressed as we were, much to the amusement of the audience. Then we (the 4 drag queens) went up to have some food at the passenger buffet, drawing some very strange looks from fellow crew members and from passengers in the process.
It was an amusing night but I just can't get over how much I looked like my own mother! To those of you out there who are lucky enough to know my delightful mum: cast your mind back to when she was younger and see if you can spot the similarities!Of course you might ask yourself, what the buggery bollocks does this has to do with French Polynesia. Well a couple of things actually. Firstly we dressed up on the day of our first stop there, in Raiatea to be precise. Secondly, there is a somewhat unusual tradition in Polynesia where the 3rd born male of every family is raised as a girl. They are given a girl's name, treated like a girl, dressed like a girl and for all intents and purposes, they are a girl, until that fateful time when things heat up in the bedroom and someone gets a very nasty surprise! I'm not quite sure what the purpose of this strange practice is but all I can say is watch out if you're a man and you're going out for a drink at night with the intention of meeting a beautiful Tahitian girl!
To backtrack to the main purpose of this chapter, our experience in French Polynesia, lets start with Raiatea. Me & the chaps in the band spent most of the day lounging around on the beach and snorkeling. Since I still haven't gotten my film roll developed you'll just have to make do with this satellite photograph of Raitea (the bottom island) and Tahaa (the top island). Our primary goal that day was actually to rent a boat and go around the islands but by the time we arrived at the rental place it was too late. We consoled ourselves by picking some fresh mangoes off a tree by the road and then we sojourned to a small beach for a quick dip in the water.
Next stop was Papeete, a town on the island of Tahiti. We had no work to do that day and a late night (until 3am) before we had to be back on board so a few of us went out and began to wander around town. We soon realised that we had arrived on a public holiday and so the entire town was literally deserted. Nothing was open and we could barely find anything to do so we began to wander towards the hills which we had spotted as soon as we stepped foot off the ship (take a look at the above photo). We hiked up to a small lookout point on a hill and took in the view before heading further into the Tahitian jungle. After walking for s
ome time we were surprised to come across a tiny little wooden chapel in the middle of nowhere, build by a solitary gentleman who lived away from civilisation and out in the jungle. Thanks to some translation by my multi-lingual roommate Carl, we got some information about the area from him and he even showed us around the forest for a while. Satisfied and tired, we returned to the ship in the evening and rested momentarily before heading out again to find some food. We abandoned the idea of going out for a drink at night (mainly because of the exorbitant price of alcohol in French Polynesia) and bought some delicious crepes. All in all a satisfying, and above all, cheap day.
After Papeete was Moorea. I managed to acquire a free tour ticket: a safari around the f
antastic island of Moorea. It's a beautiful island with spectacular volcanic mountain scenery that is really a paradise for hikers. Had I more time there I would have gladly scaled one of the peaks but I was perfectly content to embark on my free jeep safari tour. First stop was one of the smaller mountain peaks where I was able to take the above panoramic photograph. Then we toured around various other scenic viewpoints and even visited a large farm where many of French Polynesia's tropical fruits are grown.
It seems that in this case, the best was saved for last: Bora Bora. Paradise on earth, the most beautiful island on the entire planet. This is a place where people in heaven wish they had gone to when they died. Bora Bora is too good to be true. Yes you read that right: too good to be true, I'm still not entirely convinced that the place is real. Perhaps it was all a dream and the photograph placed just above is a figment of my imagination made real by intense wishful thinking. The last time I was here I embarked on a spectacular boat tour around the island which involved swimming with sharks and stingrays and even featured a stop on a private island where I managed to get in some world class snorkeling. It was a perfect day then and it was a perfect day this time. But then I seem to have "perfect" days so often now that the word seems to have lost all meaning. But I'll still continue to use it regardless!Yes, Bora Bora really is perfect in every way. The main island is dominated by a large extinct volcano that forms a beautiful mountain named Otemanu. This central island is surrounded by a series of atolls and small islands (known as motus). The lagoon that occupies the space between the inner and outer landmass contains some of the most spectacular crystal clear waters and reefs in the world. No matter the what weather is like out in the deep blue sea, the secluded lagoon waters are always still thanks to the protective outer ring. Hotels have capitalised on the potential for moneymaking and have built beautiful over-water bungalows on stilts on the water. This little slice of paradise does come at a high price but it's worth it.
Speaking of price, I managed to locate a beautiful waterfront hotel with it's own little private beach. This lovely family owned place charged a mere 60 dollars a night for a private room and a small balcony overlooking the water. Considering most hotels can charge up to 1000 dollars a night (yes you read that right) it's an absolute bargain. I know now where I'm staying when I come back here. Oh yes that's right, I'm returning here and I don't care how much it costs me.But I'm getting ahead of myself, we discovered this spectacular little hotel whilst enjoying some time on one of Bora Bora's beautiful beaches. A small group of us arrived at the beach with our snorkeling gear and with my roommate Carl's inflatable kayak. Yes that's right: an inflatable kayak! All I can say about that is "WOW" what a great idea. It packs down to a relatively small bag (a little heavy but manageable). It only takes minutes to inflate and when you're out there it really is great fun. I got some nice photos with my waterproof camera but right now you can take a peek at the above picture taken from the beach of me enjoying myself on the marvellous little craft. Between kayaking around the beach and snorkeling with my fins I got a really great upper and lower body workout. After that we rested on the beach, giving some serious consideration to ditching the ship and staying on the island instead.
So there you have it. I'm bloody knackered now and I've got several days to unwind. Our next stop is Samoa and then it's westward to the Fijian islands. But until then I'm just going to relax and recuperate from my four day Polynesian adventure. I'll probably spend most of the next few days lying around out on the deck reading or perhaps updating this journal. Damn, this a tough job but someone has to do it!
